I like Harry Potter-verse. I really do.

But one thing that never made any sense to me was their houses. Students are sorted by a talking hat who scars them for life by defining them by a single trait they supposedly exhibit strongly. Gryffindor is bravery, Slytherin is ambition, Ravenclaw is intelligence and Hufflepuff is ‘everyone else’ (geez, couldn’t think of another trait, Rowling? Why not ‘athleticism’ or something? Poor kids! They’re essentially told they’re not good at anything!)

Of course, those breakdowns are nonsense. We all know it’s really Gryffindor is for Mary Sues, Slytherin is for the bad guys, Ravenclaw is for nerds and Hufflepuff is for ‘everyone else’ (ok, so the books got that one right).

Anyway, because i love the Harry Potter verse, i thought i’d break down the archtypical Damsels In Distress into 4 houses depending on their primary traits.

But breaking down groups into roughly equal divisions based on their personalities is difficult. So i thought i’d just use Marisu, Sixteen, Elena and Feather as the ‘defining damsels’ for their respective houses and box everyone in that way.

Hey, no worse than Hogwarts, right? At least i’m not scarring kids for life. You just know the wizarding world has had problems with “Hufflepuffs need not apply” signs (or do they just say “Hufflepuffs are important too”?)